Today I made dinner for my family along with my sister and nephew. It was a request that I make Indian food. Twist my arm. I joyfully made the curry and the naan and the lassi and the pakora (sweet potato fritters). I don't know a lot of dishes, so when I make it, it's pretty much the same every time. No one really complains. There are no Indian restaurants up here, so if we want it, it's either make it at home or take a road trip.
But before I could cook I had to clean. And I hate cleaning. It's the math homework of having a home. But it needed to get done. Sometimes necessities are like that. No one wants to do their taxes or get a root canal or clean the toilet (trust me no one ever wants to clean the toilet-- for our entire marriage my husband only did it once). But you can either run away from these things, and they will eventually get worse, or you can pop your earbuds in and get down to business. So that is what I did.
It wasn't easy. The chaos of everything can be difficult for me to deal with. I'm not an organized person and so the mess is more of a tangle than it would be for others. The clutter sets me on edge and muddles my brain. The funny thing is, I am usually running around trying to do so many things at once that I can't get much of anything done.
Like last night. I was helping my younger kids set up some equipment their brothers had given them. I had an itch on my foot-- the kind that makes you hiss through your teeth because you desperately want to scratch it. But it was under my boot and I didn't want to take my boot off to scratch it until I was done taking out the trash. But I couldn't get to that part. I was needed in one room and then the next and then downstairs. The dog. The cat. I spilled something. It took an hour of trying to ignore this horrible itch before I could actually scratch it.
But you can't ignore the itch. Just like you can't ignore the mess. There has to be a balance between what needs to get done on the outside and what needs to get done to satisfy the inside. It can't be perfect on both levels. There has to be a compromise. Like making Indian food when you can't get it. It may not be what you've been dreaming of, but at least it fills the hole.
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